The Hottest Women of the Friday the 13th Franchise
The Friday the 13th franchise has no doubt provided us with some of the most beautiful women in horror, and today we’re here to salute the best of the best in no particular order. But I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t going to be some perverted, slack-jawed, drool-fest. We’re here to celebrate these survivors and victims in all their glory. To champion and appreciate their victories over that big, smelly monster truck of a murderer or, in some cases, their horrific demise at his hands. These are the hottest women of the Friday the 13th franchise. Starting with Pamela Voorhees herself. Just kidding. (Lady, you’re scaring us!) We just wanted to piss Jason off.
Brenda (Laurie Bartram), Friday the 13th
Brenda was hired by creepy Steve Christy to help out at Camp Blood. She was a light reader with good hygiene, though I will say she had terrible taste in lingerie, unless you’re into trying to hook up with the Quaker Oats guy. But nobody is perfect! Brenda takes the cake over the other Crystal Lake campers in part because she’s not your everyday Friday the 13th blonde bombshell in short shorts. She has a unique personality and overall look that helps her stand out. But most importantly? She’s a goddamn blasty blast to hang out with. She takes numb-nuts Ned Rubenstein’s hijinks in stride, and instead of whining like that baby-backed bitch Shelly in Friday 3 when she’s left as the third wheel… she turns boredom into mild nudity by recommending a game of strip Monopoly. Unfortunately, just as things were getting interesting with Alice, Bill, and the Milton Bros, she remembers she left the windows open in her cabin. Later, she’ll rush out into a raging storm to try to help what she perceives is a young boy asking for help outside. It’s no young boy, Brenda! It’s that bitch Pamela! Beautiful Brenda is killed offscreen and later thrown through a window as a jump scare. She deserved better.
Megan (Jennifer Cooke), Jason Lives
This lady has a gleam in her eye unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed! She knows what she wants and… tractor beam WHOOP… but not in a Stacey-from-Wayne’s-World kind of way, more like a powerful way, you know? I think. Anyway, her own father’s worst nightmare, Megan is an absolute thrill-seeker. She can’t even sit in a chair without putting herself in some kind of peril. She’s not the kind of girl you hold onto long, but the kind you probably remember for the rest of your life. For better or worse. For God’s sake, all it took was seeing Tommy behind bars and her dad telling her he was dangerous for her to become attracted to him. Which, to be fair, makes her not the smartest cookie in the Chips Ahoy package. I mean, for all she knew, he was in there for torturing animals or, worse, smuggling baby oil for Diddy parties. Maybe it’s just women’s intuition that she knew Tommy was a good dude. Either way, she’s a total badass who is a really good driver, especially when taking scenic routes through magical forests. Most importantly, she goes to the wall for the people she cares about. Even if she just met them and is being a little bit of a stage-five clinger about it. Megan was never killed in the franchise, and her powers of hotness literally propelled her to murder the shit out of Jason herself. Megan… we salute you!
Bree (Julianna Guill), Friday the 13th (2009)
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Hey, that girl is a homewrecker who stole Trent from our leading lady! To be fair, and I would never side with the unfathomable f*cking douchebag that is the Trentster in a million years, but to be fair, his girlfriend did leave him there. On the back of Supernatural’s motorcycle, no less. Yes, they were searching for his alleged missing sister. But you don’t just hop on a hot stranger’s motorcycle and ride off into the woods. Now, I’m sure they weren’t doing what Trent was thinking they were doing… but still. Anyway, she’s nice enough to not only give everyone in that cabin something to do other than watch Trent show off his Abercrombie and Dick cabin wardrobe, but she’s also a lovely dancer and kind of even maybe seemed like she was going to give Chewie a shot here, had he not spazzed out and broken Trent’s family heirloom. And as you will all notice here, more so than anything else happening in the scenes… she’s interested in cinematography. Which is, like, super cool. Anyway, it’s NOT because of what Trent said, you guys. I SWEAR! No seriously. That guy is rude. I don’t care how right he is! It’s rude! That’s someone’s daughter, pal. Honestly, their sex scene is graphic. So graphic, it caused Michael Bay to walk out of the Platinum Dunes premiere. The same guy who navel-gazed Megan Fox for a quarter of Transformers’ running time was offended by the sexual nature of Trent’s titty competition. Wild. Extra points for fun-loving Bree here, because even though she has terrible taste in men (what women in the Friday the 13th franchise don’t?), her death was a nice hat tip to Silent Night, Deadly Night. PUNISH! Aw, she’s even cute when she dies. That was weird. I apologize.
Amanda (America Olivo), Friday the 13th (2009)
It’s not all about screen time when it comes to the loveliest ladies to ever step foot on Crystal Lake. It’s about what they do with that time that counts. And Amanda did a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Not only was she one of the prettiest princesses Jason had ever laid eyes on, but she turned out to be one of the most brutal and innovative kills of his entire career. All before the title drop. Don’t ask me how Rookie of the Year-look alike Richie scored such a fun girlfriend or how safe it is to have so much body oil that close to an open flame. It doesn’t matter. All I know is that these two seem to have fun together. Shout out to Wade for being a solid dude and knowing when to go sing “Sister Christian” alone in the woods so that these two can get down to memorizing their Bible verses in the tent.
Terry McCarthy (Kirsten Baker), Friday the 13th Part 2
Terry McCarthy was a lovely, clothing-challenged camp counselor in training at the Packanack Lodge in Friday the 13th Part 2. Not much is known about her past other than her love for her dog, Muffin. Hell, we don’t even know how she died, thanks to the fact that the camera just cuts away on a freeze-frame of her “Oh” face. Not that kind of O-face, but the kind of “Oh shit, that’s Jason Voorhees and I’m about to die” kind of O-face. She politely but firmly denies Scott Cheney’s advances, either on account of him being almost as pretty as she was or the fact that he had the game of a third grader. Terry McCarthy will be known for bold fashion choices, some of which were later adopted by football player Ezekiel Elliott, as well as her fearless penchant for swimming butt-naked alone in the middle of the night. She was taken from us too soon. Much, much too soon.
Pam Roberts (Melanie Kinnaman), A New Beginning
Pam was a kindhearted woman who dealt with troubled youths like the Blue Power Ranger and angry Philip Rivers with a full heart. She was kind, strong, and patient. Well… kind of patient, despite having a challenging yet rewarding career. And we hope Reggie the Reckless doesn’t mind us saying it… but she was also gorgeous. Most impressively, however, she took on Jason Voorhees with a chainsaw and won. Well, kind of. She took on a guy named Roy, full of grief-stricken super strength, and won. But she knew her way around a chainsaw and navigated the very wet and dangerous paths of Crystal Lake like a seasoned pro.
Tina Shepard (Lar Park Lincoln), The New Blood
Tina may be the strongest and most resilient of all the Friday the 13th final girls and maybe the most powerful final girl ever. Despite accidentally murdering her father for placing hands on her mother as a young child, she navigates bitchy teenagers, an easily influenced mother, and a doctor who might be even more of a prick than Jason. Not to mention full-on supernatural “holy shit, that guy has gotten scarier since the last movie” Jason Voorhees. She’s a literal fire starter with a good head on her shoulders, and I like to think her character lived a happy life after all this movie put her through. She put an absolute ass-whooping on Jason Voorhees the likes of which he’d never seen before and would have made a hell of an addition to the X-Men.
Tina (Debi Sue Voorhees), A New Beginning
Now, we don’t know exactly why our gifted Tina was a patient at the Pinehurst Youth Development Center alongside these chocolate-loving problem children. And she wasn’t there for a long time. But by God, she was there for a good time. She and her boyfriend kept riling up the locals by banging in places they shouldn’t and no, we’re not talking about the backseat of a Volkswagen, but rather in the nature Crystal Lake provided. Ever the empath, she feels bad for her boyfriend for getting the literal shit beaten out of him by a spazzed-out Tommy Jarvis and agrees to once again bang in the woods. She’s very vocal in her appreciation of her lover, and it’s no wonder the two are often caught. Even Grizzly Adams gets a perverted peek at the action before Jason dispatches maybe the most pointless Friday the 13th character of all time. Though beautiful, Tina is unfortunately not long for this world, much like her boyfriend is not long in the sack. I mean, damn! Dude clearly hasn’t heard about the “think about baseball” trick. Anyway, Tina gets an unfair amount of her face removed by some lawn equipment quite quickly. But we appreciate her contribution to the franchise always.
Lori (Monica Keena), Freddy vs. Jason
Our absolutely gorgeous final girl of Freddy vs. Jason has the rare and unlucky distinction of being the only one to face not only Jason but Freddy Krueger as well. Thankfully, the two ended up more interested in each other, and she was able to survive the ordeal. Not that she had the greatest plan going into the fray (“Freddy died by fire!”). But she still managed to fight, scratch, and claw her way through crappy friendships, even crappier dating options, and a dude that for some reason keeps smiling during awkward moments. She manages to fend off Witch Freddy in maybe his most terrifying form ever and ends up decapitating that crispy-faced creep while even dropping her own one-liner in the process. It’s debatable who truly won the battle between Freddy and Jason that fateful, nu-metal night. But one thing’s for sure: we won when it came to the addition of Lori Campbell in the franchise.
That’s it! That’s the list. Now, hotness is subjective, and there are no doubt a plethora of other final girls and victims alike that could have made this list. As they say in Jarhead… “there are many like it, but this one is mine.” So please! Let us know in the comments who you would have included in your list.
Until next time! Which, God willing, is sooner rather than later. Get your shit together, Friday the 13th. We’re ready for a new movie!
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