The Hottest Women of the Halloween Franchise
Women and Michael Myers. Michael Myers and women. Finkel and Einhorn. From the opening scene of this iconic franchise, sex has been a major theme. But why? Well, there are several schools of thought on this. For one, why did Michael Myers stab his own naked sister to death as a small child? We probably don’t want to know. That’s your sister, bro. But attractive women have always been a part of the deranged psyche of Michael. The 1979 Curtis Richards Halloween novelization goes into a lot more detail about Michael’s sexually driven murders. Regardless of those dark thoughts, the Halloween franchise has, over the years, given us countless beautiful and strong women. Some who fall victim to him and his desires in horrendous ways. Others who beat the Hell out of him for it. Today we’re here to celebrate them all. But don’t get us mistaken. This isn’t meant to be perverted or degrading. We’ll leave that to Budd in Halloween II. This is a celebration of the hottest women in the Halloween franchise, their strengths, and in some cases, their deaths. In chronological order, we start at the beginning!
Lynda, P.J. Soles — Halloween (1978)
Alright, so for this character (and maybe one more later), take everything I just said and throw it out the window. I can’t sugarcoat this. Lynda from Halloween doesn’t have the greatest personality. But I cannot, with good conscience, not include her on this list due to the character’s undeniable horror history sex-symbol status. But maybe even then we’re being unfair. While she is a total butthole of a friend when it comes to Laurie (along with Annie), and she thinks everyone from De-von Graham to a white-faced mystery man driving a station wagon is cute… she is full of life and energy. It’s not ALL looks. When it comes to the looks department, however, men (and women) for over 40 years have seen something they like when it comes to Lynda. It’s undeniable. Even if I am, still to this day, wondering what the Hell that line was between her and Bob about ripping clothes off…
Lynda is a part of one of the most iconic scenes in horror history of course, when Bob is turned into a Live, Laugh, Love sign on the wall and she’s strangled to death with a phone cord. While naked. Naturally. Totally.
Nurse Karen, Pamela Susan Shoop — Halloween II (1981)
Karen was a kind person who never left a friend behind, even if it meant she was going to be late for work and catch a tongue-lashing for it. She even had the patience and space in her heart to deal with her co-worker and really good friend Budd (who was a degenerate pervert with no sympathy for his fellow man). Not only is Karen a giving friend, but she’s an excellent multitasker. She manages to sneak away with Budd for a hot tub lovemaking session while also watching over innocent babies as a maniac killer was on the loose. Okay, I can’t sign off on that one, Karen. That’s just poor decision-making.
Karen may be beautiful, but she’s not the most aware person you’ve ever met. When Michael comes up behind her in place of the now shish-kabobbed Budd, she still doesn’t realize it’s him, even while sucking on his fingers. Do you know where those fingers have been? That could not have smelled nor tasted good. But I bet Budd’s fingers didn’t either, so fair game. Karen then catches herself possibly the most painful-to-watch and brutal kill of the entire franchise as Michael sends her bobbing for apples in boiling water. He apparently agrees that she was attractive because he was extremely angry with her to the point where he didn’t mind melting the skin on his own hands while he sent her to hot girl heaven. You deserved better, Karen. We salute you.
Kara Strode, Marianne Hagan — Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Kara is a tough soul who has been through some shit. She’s stuck back home living with six time a-hole of the century nominee John Strode, and clearly things haven’t gone her way in life. Then there’s her son Danny, who clearly has his own murderous tendencies. But she manages to stay tough and stay a good mom anyway. She’s a patient person and a great listener, as you can tell by the fact that she doesn’t immediately taze Paul Rudd when she gets home to see him sitting with her son and holding a random baby named Steven. She doesn’t even laugh and call him a nerd when he shows her his Michael Myers collection and the runes game on his PC.
She ferociously protects her weird little son Danny from not only Michael Myers (while a sweet metal riff plays on the soundtrack) but also the Cult of Thorn as a whole. Even that old bag Mrs. Blankenship was in on it! Kara cements her status as a Halloween final girl by surviving the night and Dimension Films when she assists Tommy in pumping Michael full of Ecto-Cooler and beating the holy Hell out of him with a pipe. She survived a night not even Doctor Loomis made it out of, and I, for one, would love to see her make a Laurie Strode-type return to the franchise along with a revisitation of the Thorn trilogy. I said what I said. THE GODDAMN RUNES!
Kelly Meeker, Kathleen Kinmont — Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers
If I had to guess who was going to be the #1 shoe-in on most Halloween fans’ lists for a woman in the franchise to make this list? It’d be Miss “Cops do it by the book” Kelly Meeker. Which, to be fair, is a totally weird shirt to wear for the daughter of the Sheriff. Clearly that’s a sex joke. But I’m choosing to ignore it. Much like Brady chooses to ignore Rachel once he’s blinded by those lights and laid out like a douche in front of the Sheriff’s fireplace that night.
Now look, Kelly gets a bad rap for being sexually confident in herself, and while I think Rachel is great and was wronged by this franchise as a whole with her anticlimactic death in Halloween 5? I side with Kelly on this issue. It’s wrong of Rachel to treat her like a lady of the night just because she did what was best for her by getting with Brady that Halloween night. It’s not like she was just readily available to be with anyone and if you don’t believe me, ask Wade.
Ultimately, Kelly Meeker gives us one of the most memorable moments of the franchise AND, as a bonus, one of the best death scenes too, when Michael impales her into the wall with a shotgun. Don’t ask us how that makes sense scientifically. It’s kind of like how Brady stands up in front of Kelly’s dad minutes after the infamous fireplace scene without having to walk like a hunchback. Yeah right, pal.
Laurie Strode, Jamie Lee Curtis — Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
Okay, so hear me out here. We’re not talking younger Laurie, cracked-out Laurie, or even Commando Roberta Sparrow from the David Gordon Green trilogy. We’re talking about headmistress, axe-wielding, pounding-white-wines-in-the-middle-of-the-afternoon H20 Laurie Strode. Sure, she probably wasn’t the world’s funnest mom and wasn’t going to win any personality awards. But she was dealing with some demons, man! And just like Mr. “I’m getting my nipples pierced later” Alan Arkin, I’m kind of into it.
Not only do you get some hot sneaking around and making out in the office, but you get a lot of vodka and story time. She’s a total badass in a way that feels far more natural than it did in the 2018 trilogy. Forget Sydney Sweeney’s jeans, give me a woman who will grab an axe and stalk a supernatural serial killer through a ghost town campus in the middle of the night. Alright, give me the jeans too, I’m not here to play favorites.
Just four years removed from one of the hottest scenes to ever grace a movie screen in True Lies, I have no qualms with sticking Jamie Lee Curtis on the hottest women of the Halloween franchise list, and neither should you. She even has a hot fake stage name, or uh, name, in Keri Tate. As far as her death goes? Didn’t happen. Well, not in this movie at least. As it turned out, she wasn’t trapped on that campus with Michael. Michael was trapped on that campus with her. Or I guess, as it turned out, that poor innocent EMT was trapped… you get the point.
Allyson, Andi Matichak — Halloween Ends
Specifically in everyone’s favorite Halloween movie, Halloween Ends. I don’t know if you’re sensing a theme here or not, but Allyson was dealing with some demons. This white-faced fucker has taken her life from her six times over again, and she’s just trying to live life in this small town with this total douche canoe of a boss and batshit grandmother. By the time Corey forces his way into the storyline and her life, she doesn’t have time for small talk and bashfulness. She sees what she wants and she takes it.
Say what you want about Halloween Ends and where they probably should have been spending their time on say, I don’t know, MICHAEL MYERS? But Allyson’s character ended up with a fascinating arc. The novelization goes even further into this backstory and is worth checking out. Not to mention the fact that she held her own throughout the trilogy, fighting off not only Michael Myers but boyfriends who throw phones into pudding and their best friends. Including a badass moment where she stared into the abyss of the blackest eyes and held her own. Who knows, maybe that’s some of what was going on with her in Ends? The abyss looked back. We know how that turned out for Corey.
Ellie, Stacey Nelkin — Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Now it’s time for a massively underrated Halloween franchise lady: Miss Grimbridge! After arriving and realizing her father had been killed horrifically by a robot who ran to his car afterward to refresh himself in a car bomb, she’s understandably reeling. Who better to comfort her and help her solve the case of her father’s murder than a drunk Dr. Challis using any excuse necessary to neglect his kids and hit the road for a Miller High Life bender?
Ellie doesn’t take no for an answer and is as brave as they come. She also doesn’t mind saying what she wants and going after it. Multiple times. Hell, once she gets going, you practically have to hit her with a crowbar to get her off of you. In my opinion, we lost Ellie far too soon. If she’s this much of an adventure-seeking firecracker when she’s in grief mode, I would have loved to see her in better circumstances. You just know she was the life of the party wherever she went. Don’t forget that she was a kind, compassionate person who didn’t even give Challis shit about his drinking once. She instead gave him a shoulder to lean on in tough times. Hey, Challis! Those aren’t her shoulders!
Vicky, Virginia Gardner — Halloween (2018)
What a refreshing slasher victim Vicky is. That sounded really messed up to say. But seriously: whereas so many other slasher movies, including in the Halloween franchise, feature early victims as whiny, annoying, self-involved jerks who are actually shitty friends… Vicky was cool as Hell. She’s supportive of Allyson, doesn’t give two shits about the school dance, and even invites them over to smoke some alakazam afterward. She’s also a badass babysitter who lets Julian watch Emilio Estevez horror classics and is adorably excited about doing over-the-top-of-the-clothes stuff with Dave.
The only downside to liking one of the early victims so much is that you feel genuinely angry when Michael kills her while basking in the glow of Julian’s night lights. But that’s the point of movies, right? To feel something. Vicky is murdered by Michael Myers via butcher knife while trying to fight him off to save Julian. But she does get to be one of his most interesting arts-and-crafts projects in the film.
That’s it! That’s the list for today but let me clearly state once again that these types of things are subjective. As they say in Jarhead, there are many like it, but this list is mine. I also feel the need to point out that there are a bevy of other beautiful and amazing women in the franchise that we just didn’t have time to get into today, including Annie Brackett, Rachel, Sarah, and all the lovely ladies of the franchise. Comment below who you would have included instead, and we’ll see you guys next time.
Have a great day and remember… Michael Myers ain’t no soundbite. He’s a killer shark. And evil dies tonight.
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